Q: What can I do to boost my 15-year-old son’s confidence around girls his age? He tends to be quite shy and nervous in mixed company, and I am looking for ways to help him feel more confident in these social interactions.
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Most 15-year-old boys experience shyness and nervous-ness around girls. This is a common problem – if you can call it problem.
The early teenage years are incredibly challenging as children undergo puberty and experience changes in their physical and emotional well-being.
They are dealing with peer pressure and desperately want to fit in, and are seeking popularity while trying to navigate successful relationships with the opposite sex.
Most teenagers feel self-conscious about their appearance, behaviour and how they are perceived by others.
One effective way to combat self-conscious-ness is to reach out to others.
Teenagers who engage in service projects often feel a tremendous sense of fulfilment. In the process of serving others, they gradually shift their focus away from themselves and develop increased confidence.
An approach you can consider is to encourage your son to participate in community work or volunteer at a service-oriented non-profit organisation.
School counsellors should be able to recommend some suitable opportunities, either within the school or in the community. For an even more beneficial experience, seek out youth groups that prioritise service while emphasising personal growth.
Adolescent boys often find themselves awkward around popular girls. If your son is engaged in such groups, motivate him to cultivate non-romantic friendships, especially with girls whom he may not be romantically attracted to.
With more regular interactions and a focus on building healthy relationships with the opposite sex, he will discover how girls think and relate, and develop some good character traits. This, in turn, will make him feel more comfortable and confident in his interac-tions with girls his age.
Q: When should my husband and I stop showering with our toddler-aged children and changing clothes in their presence? Could you provide some guidelines for maintaining modesty within the home?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Modesty starts to develop in children at an early age, typically between 18 to 24 months. If you are a parent of a child from the opposite sex, it is advisable to discontinue shared showering or changing during this phase of a child’s development.
However, if your child is the same gender as you, you can continue changing clothes in the same room as your child as they grow.
What is most important is that you instil a healthy view on sexuality in your children from an early age. You can start by initiating age-appropriate discussions and using suitable language, especially during their toddler years.
Interestingly, children also develop the capacity for empathy between the ages of 18 and 24 months. The development of modesty and empathy will aid a child in perceiving people and relation-ships through the perspective of respect and care.
Children tend to develop a desire for privacy between the ages of three and five, which is a healthy and beneficial part of their development. Help them to learn effective ways to manage their need for privacy, especially when changing clothes.
Encourage a child to respect their body by using accurate names for male and female genitalia when they ask questions while changing clothes. Provide positive and straightforward answers to the inevitable questions about where babies come from. You do not have to delve into a detailed description of human physiology.
Embrace one of the significant privileges of parenting by introducing your child to the incredible design of the body and relationships from an early age, while also guiding and empowering them to understand boundaries in relationships with others.
The article was contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
